Monday, March 23, 2009

information vs. affirmation

Tonight’s meeting was so good.  i am excited to tell you all about it, but first I need to confess what happened before the meeting.

Right after I finished writing the post from earlier this evening, I went into the kitchen and realized I was missing half of the ingredients to my planned dinner- I had used them in a recipe and completely forgotten I was out.

a bare bones kitchen is killer for me. Not only was I completely out of most of the ingredients in my planned dinner, there was NOTHING remotely healthy in my kitchen- I knew I was getting low yesterday, but I didn’t take the time to see just how low until it was too late.

Instead of running to the store or subway, I completely caved and ate too much of one of my husband’s family sized frozen meals-something I shouldn’t have eaten at all in the first place.  I wish I could throw out all of my husband’s unhealthy food, but my marriage might suffer a tad :) I need to figure out a strategy for situations like this, my first safeguard being a well stocked kitchen.

After the incident, I didn’t even want to go to the meeting tonight.  It’s amazing how quickly my mentality can go from focusing on recovery to focusing on food.. i hate it!

The good news is, I went the meeting! I am so glad I did.

The focus tonight was on Physical Recovery. The woman leading the meeting is someone I really respect- she has been in program for a long time and has had a very steady abstinence. 

She talked about how our program is three fold- emotional, spiritual and physical… but we often forget the importance of the last category.  Weight loss is often when brings us to program in the first place, but it gets lost along the way.

I know that any of the three parts alone will not work without the other two, so it was really great to have the reminder.  However, I also know that my program is strongest when i put the most emphasis on the emotional and spiritual aspects of recovery. 

so what does that look like? I don’t really know. 

For me, it takes being really honest and trying new things when one stops working for my program.  The scale is something I need to use to track my progress- but I have to be very careful not to abuse it. 

Someone in the meeting summed it up like this:

The scale should be used for information and not affirmation.

wow! how powerful.  How many times have I let the scale dictate the way I feel about myself?

I have decided to try weighing myself no more than once a week- but I a committed to monitoring that and changing to once a month should it become an issue.

anyways, just wanted to share my thoughts from the meeting :)  I will write more tomorrow!

one loyal reader :)

Good afternoon, bloggies!

I am really enjoying this whole blog thing.  I am pretty sure I am the only person who actually reads it, but regardless- the personal accountability has been so precious to me.

Having an outlet to reflect and strategize about recovery has made all of the the difference to me! and who knows? maybe one day another person will actually read this and find some encouragement that they are not alone :)

I have a meeting tonight and I am so excited.  It’s amazing how much easier recovery is when I attend at least one meeting per week… the strength I pull from being in those rooms is incredible.

I hope to log back on tonight to recap the meeting and share any hope and experience I learn… until then, a food plan!

Breakfast Vita Muffin 1
  Coffee 2
Lunch Subway Turkey on Whole Wheat 5
  Parmesan Cheese, Light Mayo, Veggies 2
  FF Pringles 2
  1 Square Dark Chocolate 3
Dinner Low Point Chili (2 Cups) 2
  Baked Tostitos 2
  Shredded Lettuce 0
  Fat Free Refried Beans 1
  Fat Free Sour Cream 0
  Salsa 0
  1 Slice Pound Cake 8
  8oz Almond Breeze 1
  TOTAL 29

Sunday, March 22, 2009

progress, not perfection…

oh my land.  today was a near disaster.  totally abandoned my food plan and went a little crazy on the buffet spread at my sister in laws baby shower :( not so good.

Usually, my response to overdoing it at brunch would mean a free for all for the rest of the day, with a heart felt commitment to “start over” the next day.  the trouble with that is that tomorrow usually doesn’t come for at least a week, usually longer than that! when I finally get my act together it’s because i am physically sick and emotionally exhausted and food is no longer appealing.  What’s worse it that I am usually 10 pounds heavier at that point as well.

It’s really a tempting situation for me to start my abstinence over every time I mess up- but I can’t do that.  I know in my heart the difference between a slip and relapse.  My journey won’t be perfect or error free, but it has to be continuous. 

A popular slogan in OA is “one day at a time” or “for today”.  I don’t know about anyone else, but I have to scale it back to “one meal at a time”

I over did it at lunch, but dinner doesn’t have to be the same story.  Keep me in your prayers, if anyone reads this :)

speak with you soon!

another short post..

eek, this is another short post as I have to get ready for church and prepare for my sister in law’s baby shower this afternoon!

I promise, I take some time for reflection at some point this afternoon- i need it.

I am struggling this morning! it started last night when I got hungry after dinner and ate something not in my plan of eating.  akk! it’s crazy how one change in plan can throw my mentality completely off.

I will talk more about that later.. but, for now- a food plan!

Breakfast Granola 7
  Unsweetened Almond Milk 1
  Egg Whites 1
  Reduced Fat Cheese 1
  WW Arnold Sandwich Thin 1
Lunch Fruit Salad, Veggies and Hummus 5
Dinner WW Pita 4
  Sauce 0
  Cheese 2
  Broccoli 0
  Ricotta 1
  Ice Cream 2
  TOTAL 25

Saturday, March 21, 2009

just a food plan.

Hi bloggies!

I’ve got a really busy Saturday, so I don’t have a ton of time.. but wanted to at least get in a food plan this morning. 


Brunch Whole Wheat Protein Waffle 3
  Sugar Free Syrup 1
  Butter 2
  Unsweetened Coconut 1
  Small Bite of My Hubby’s Cinnamon Roll :( (bad, i know!) 1
  Egg Whites .5
  Whole Wheat Arnold Sandwich Thin 1
  Cheese 1
Snack Medium Chai Tea from Caribou Coffee 3.5
  Vita Muffin 1
Dinner 4oz Extra Lean Ground Turkey 2.5
  Low Fat Cole Slaw (recipe to come) 2
  Whole Wheat Bun 1
  Cheese and Veggies 1
  Fat Free Pringles 1
  TOTAL 22.5

Dear Lord,

Please guard my thoughts and emotions today, let them be controlled only by you.  I pray that you will but a hedge of protection around my life and that I will only hear your voice and follow your leading.  Only you can restore broken relationship with food and turn it into what you intended it to be.  I desire to be a slave to no one but you, please guide me through today.

i love you, amen.